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Why don't schools have more relevant tests for our children's intelligence? How about the "Nonverbal's Unhealthful-Food Scavenging, Appropriation, & Investigation Diversion" (NUF-SAID) aptitude? While it makes life easier when the whole family is on the child's therapeutic diet, I must admit that I indulge in coffee with cream and chocolate cake. Whatever level my son has been tested at, he is capable of creating a military-style diversion that would make Generals George Patton and Douglas MacArthur look like rank amateurs.

Daddy and I sit at the dinner table (Mistake #1: Parents appear to be resting). The philosophy at dinner time is "whatever the adults are eating, it must be good." General Ian's sidelong glances at our plates signal "let the games begin."

"What's that sound in the other room, Pa?" asks Ma. "I'll see," replies Pa, who gets up to check it out. (Mistake #2: Dinner plate 1 on table).

Suddenly, General Ian sweeps through the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and freezer doors simultaneously, peppering the floor with sausages, and finding great interest in the pan soaking in sudsy water in the sink. Splash, the Yalu River is created. Ma rushes to close the doors, pick up the sausages, and wipe up the river. (Mistake #3: Dinner plate 2 on table).

Fortunately, tonight it's broiled chicken and broccoli . . . gf/cf foods and ones that a few handprints and finger gouges only enhance the flavor of.

Pa is back, having returned the linens to the cupboard.

Calm descends once more. Ian's eyes twinkle as he selects the green crayon to etch another tick mark on the wall.

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Note: In general, various of the kids' therapeutic diets are healthful for the other family members, as well, especially considering possible similarities in metabolic profiles among family members. For example, if Jr. is on a therapeutic diet, it's probably worth considering for Mom. If there are any foods to which a child has extreme allergic reactions (e.g., peanuts, products prepared with peanut oil), then all family members and support persons (e.g., babysitters and therapists) should be instructed not to bring any foods with these ingredients into the home.

Refrigerator and cabinet latches are also worth considering.