Emotions of a New Parent
I'm a new autism parent. Our son was diagnosed in May, 2009. He turned four this month. I wanted to express my emotions and discuss the challenges we have worked through in the past few months. I'm sure that many, if not all autism mothers (and fathers) have had similar experiences.
I think that getting a diagnosis of autism for your child is perhaps one of the most devastating things that can happen to a parent, short of a terminal illness or death. In the first few weeks/months, I have experienced all of the stages of grief: denial, anger, barganing, depression and acceptance.
One strange thing has also happened. By accepting the diagnosis, I have been able to forgive myself for some things. Before my son was diagnosed, I didn't understand his behaviour. He is very verbal, and high functioning, but has frequent outbursts, tantrums and can be physically violent with family members. I had tried every parenting method I could think of to reason with him or discipline him to stop the behaviours, all of which failed. I found myself angry with him on a daily basis, and feeling like a failure as a parent because I couldn't control my child.
Now that I know my son has autism, and has sensory processing issues and difficulties with controlling his emotions, I can understand and support him. Through his therapists I now have better tools for dealing with his behaviours. Now I know that it was not my lack of parenting skills that caused him to behave "badly."
So while this has been a difficult and emotional time for me, it has opened some doors and shed light on problems that I was unable to solve on my own. I guess there really is a silver lining to every dark cloud...
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Thank you so much everyone
Thank you so much everyone for all of your input, I've only just joined this community, but I'm so impressed and so glad that I did! You are all wonderful! It's great to be heard and understood!
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“I didn't understand his behaviour. He is very verbal, and high functioning, but has frequent outbursts, tantrums and can be physically violent with family members. I had tried every parenting method I could think of to reason with him or discipline him to stop the behaviours, all of which failed.”
My son was not diagnosed until this past July, however I knew since he was 3 things were terribly wrong. This is, word-for-word how the last 9 years of my life had been. The feeling of- this behavior really was not my fault and I am not this bad parent, was another overwhelming feeling to have after nine long years.
I agree. I so often lost
I agree. I so often lost patience and berated myself afterwards. But once I found out what was wrong with my daughter, a well of patience opened up and her reaction to my change was immediate and life-changing. The whole family now treats each other better and my 7 year-old son deserves the "best big brother" award... he's become the most amazing instructor and guide that my daughter could have. There are always silver linings.
Welcome, Tiffany. If you
Welcome, Tiffany. If you haven't started a special diet already please think about it. It can make all the difference in the world. I would be happy to help you get started and point you to good resources.
Thanks Ed, we've been on the
Thanks Ed, we've been on the GFCF diet from the start, it didn't take more than a few seconds to convince me it was the right thing to do. We've seen some wonderful changes. We've recently gotten to see a DAN! doctor and have also started m-B12 injections. Other than my pocketbook hurting, we're doing well! LOL
That's great. Also you want
That's great. Also you want to stay away from soy, corn, and any processed or pasteurized foods. Most juice you buy in stores is pasteurized – so is Gerber’s baby foods – all are terrible for our children.
So what juice/ baby foods do
So what juice/ baby foods do you recommend? I've been researching superfoods (high ORAC values, omega-3s etc) and have begun introducing more raw, organic foods. Is the pasteurization removing antioxidants and enzymes, or is there another reason for it to be harmful? We have switched to unpasteurized organic honey, but I didn't know about the juice. We are struggling to get off the soy and corn, it's tough, since we've already eliminated so much, but that is my next goal...
Tiffany, I recommend making
Tiffany, I recommend making your juices and vegetables from whole foods and if possible, organic foods. Pasteurizing a product destroys its enzymes and once its digestive enzymes are destroyed it becomes poison in a child who cannot digest it.
It’s very simple – acorn squash – cook for 45 minutes at 400 degrees. Peel, remove the seeds, 6 oz of bottled water, blend.
Green drink – 2 pears, 3 leafs of kale, 6 oz bottled water, blend.
There are many variations, but these are excellent ways to introduce leafy green vegetables – a must – and squash to a child’s diet.
You Bet!
My mom used to yell at me she would say, "Why can't you bring Jordan to the grocery store, I used to bring three kids?" I didn't want to bring him for fear of massive meltdowns and ignorant stares.
I thought I was a complete failure as a mother! Everyone else's children at birthday parties would be sitting at the table eating their cake and Ice cream but not mine, He would be circling tables examining the chairs and screaming if you tried to stop the behavior. Everyone elses children were engaged in all the birthday activities but mine.
I was a wreak. I really thought I loser at parenting and then came the diagnosis, it didn't take me long to grieve, I wanted to get the educational show on the road! I am very proud of you..... Keep up the good work you are not alone...
Thanks Rhonda!!!
Thanks Rhonda!!!
emotions
Tiffany,
I too went through the exact same emotions as you with my high-functioning and violent son; however, it took me much longer than you to come to the place you are now. I admire you!
Thank's Kathryn
I have a sister with a disability, I lived this life before so it wasn't new to me. I knew time was of the essence and I needed to get moving as my mother did in helping my sister heal... Not a heck of a lot of time to grieve really. The story is under the Article Section, if you care to read this issue it's called (From Autism To All-Star) I admire my mom she paved the way for me.