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I'm a new autism parent. Our son was diagnosed in May, 2009. He turned four this month. I wanted to express my emotions and discuss the challenges we have worked through in the past few months. I'm sure that many, if not all autism mothers (and fathers) have had similar experiences.

I think that getting a diagnosis of autism for your child is perhaps one of the most devastating things that can happen to a parent, short of a terminal illness or death. In the first few weeks/months, I have experienced all of the stages of grief: denial, anger, barganing, depression and acceptance.

One strange thing has also happened. By accepting the diagnosis, I have been able to forgive myself for some things. Before my son was diagnosed, I didn't understand his behaviour. He is very verbal, and high functioning, but has frequent outbursts, tantrums and can be physically violent with family members. I had tried every parenting method I could think of to reason with him or discipline him to stop the behaviours, all of which failed. I found myself angry with him on a daily basis, and feeling like a failure as a parent because I couldn't control my child.

Now that I know my son has autism, and has sensory processing issues and difficulties with controlling his emotions, I can understand and support him. Through his therapists I now have better tools for dealing with his behaviours. Now I know that it was not my lack of parenting skills that caused him to behave "badly."

So while this has been a difficult and emotional time for me, it has opened some doors and shed light on problems that I was unable to solve on my own. I guess there really is a silver lining to every dark cloud...