A Dad's Strength II

For the past few days I have been thinking about what I wrote in my blog, A Dad’s Strength”
Yesterday, as I worked with a lower functioning boy on the spectrum many thoughts were going through my mind as to what many Dad’s must feel. As I walked with, will call him “Joe,” he flapped his hands walking on his toes and just smiled. He is older so I always walk in front of him to give him his independence in the community. He was smiling but doesn’t say much because his verbal skills are so poor.

As we walked to the store and through the town, kids his age, were skateboarding by him, groups of children were laughing, joking and all made a subtle stare towards Joe.
I was thinking, ‘he may never get to experience what those kids are feeling and doing…why do they have to stare?...if only they understood?....do dad’s wish that they could trade places with the other children?’

And then as we turned a corner a teenage boy was slowly walking with an elderly man, and the man was holding the boys left arm. As Joe and I made our way to the car, the elderly man caught a glimpse of him and introduced himself and asked how he was doing? I tried to get Joe to speak to him, but he smiled and tip-toed his way to the car. Why this elderly man, why not the kids? This question can be partially answered by a lack of education, in our schools by our neurotypical parents and maybe even some of our dad’s.

Dad’s when you and your wife found out your child was diagnosed with autism, you may have not known what it was, the time, money and therapies it took to make your child better. You may have been hoping a few pills from the doctor may help to clear this up. But you went into “crisis mode,” doing everything you could to help your child and family, blocking your emotions and feelings.
But as time went on, and the results were not coming, more questions may have been filling your head… “Is he not going to be able to play catch with me in the backyard?, Am I going to go to a Daddy Daughter Dance? What else does my wife expect me to do? Can’t the doctors fix this?” Your emotions and feelings are now coming to the surface and depending on your father or the way you were raised you may not have felt that before or never allowed to. But guess what….there’s nothing wrong with feelings. However, there is something wrong with running away from them.

As you read this, you may be in the “crisis mode,” some of these feelings may just be coming to surface, or you may just think I’m in idiot. No matter what stage you are in, always remember none of this defines you or your child.

If you haven’t read “A Dad’s Strength” the following may make sense before you read this….If I were to not embrace my feelings; my anger, embarrassment, sadness….I would not be talking to you today, GUARENTEED.

I could also have chosen to let what happened to me, define me. But I CHOSE not to. What happened, I will never clearly understand why I was chosen. Just like you were chosen as a dad/father and your child was chosen.

But what I did (over three years of recovery) and you can do, when you are ready, is embrace what you are feeling, don’t be afraid to ask for help, because you role as a father is something your wife cannot give to your child. You play a vital role to their development and recovery.

Yours in Health,

David S. Geslak