Our basic humanity and the Travolta family

While I believe that people are basically good, I have come to realize that there are those who will take no prisoners while furthering their own agenda. One might say that "the benefit to others" far outweighs the destruction left in their wake. However, I would say that lining-up the suffering before a firing squad reflects a basic lack of compasssion.

Heartbreak is a word we can all relate to, whether we are fighting the good fight or living quietly with our autistic children in the background. High-functioning to low-functioning children have parents struggling to maintain some semblance of a marriage within the confines of managing a child on the spectrum.

The Travolta family has experienced the loss of their beloved son. I would venture to say that the majority, whether a parent or not, who knows the details of their tragic loss feels a sense of compassion and sadness for the family. John and Kelly loved Jett, they raised him with the same dedication we raise our own children. The only difference is that many of us are not celebrities.

That being said, we each have the right to decide what is best for our children with autism. Perhaps we become advocates, or fundraisers. Perhaps we find comfort in maintaining a private world for our child. Perhaps we reach out to others for support.

Regardless of the path we take, I would guess that we all have had experiences where well intentioned friends or family have given advice, made recommendations or thrown a, “Well, maybe if you handle it this way…” comment in our direction. Sometimes we take the advice with a grain of salt, and sometimes we want to smack those well intentioned individuals.

This is comparatively mild compared to being a public figure. I cannot imagine how I would handle my life should I be a high-profile person. The world would think that they know me and instead of a handful of family and friends telling me what I should or should not do, there would be thousands of intruders into my private life.

“Cassie, you have a responsibility to do this… Cassie, you have a responsibility to do that… Cassie, you have to share your most intimate pain with the world, but remember, for every thousand who think you should behave one way, there will be another thousand with a different opinion.”

The level of anxiety this conjures is remarkable. I’m emotionally exhausted, daily. Many public figures have decided to come forward and advocate for autism. This is their choice, not mine. For those who decide to remain private, I can certainly understand this decision and I believe they deserve the ultimate respect to raise their children as they determine is best for their family.

John and Kelly Travolta are grieving. We need to show our compassion and basic human decency by allowing them the space they need to come to terms with their horrific loss.

© Cassie M. Ferguson, 2009, Autism Funhouse and autismfunhouse.com. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Cassie M. Ferguson, Autism Funhouse and autismfunhouse.com, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.