Home for the Holidays

I wanted to share this story that I wrote two years ago. It was posted on Age of Autism in 2007. This year, Ronan is obviously older, but he's also calmer, has some better communication skills and is wanting so many more hugs and signs of validation from us for all of his hard work. We are staying home again for Christmas...it's easier on all of us. We will host some of my family, those who are true cheerleaders to Ronan who only hope for the best.

Wishing all of our families peace and joy this holiday season.
-Cat

This time of year is filled with lots of excitement as many families prepare for the holidays. My husband is setting up our tree as I write this. Two of my kids are dancing at the front window like a bunch of sugarplums as they remember bits and pieces of our family tradition of setting out the Nativity scenes, decorating the tree, hanging the lights, and the inevitable pile of presents soon filling the empty space underneath the lowest branches.

I love this time of year. I love Christmas and the giving spirit still alive in this day and age. I love the holidays and all that they represent to me about the blessings of family and the spirit of sharing.

However, there is a part of Christmas celebrating that I don’t like.

I don’t like the sensory overload Ronan goes through and the changes in routine forced on him. I hate that he does not acknowledge or even notice many of the presents.

I have always been a get-out-of-the-house kind of person. I don’t let my own four walls cave in on me. I like to explore, to be social and to be helpful too. Living with a child with issues such as Ronan’s, I have had to curb my own wants and needs and rearrange many an event or function we get invited to for our entire family. As far as that part of the holidays are concerned, I welcome staying home, in our safe little space, where we don’t have to explain why Ronan is kicking the garland for the twentieth time instead of ooohing and aaaahing at the festive tree.

Ronan can’t tolerate too much of a holiday party or show. He likes the lights and the frenzy of people going this way and that, but he doesn’t do well with the social part of sitting, watching, behaving appropriately or understanding most of what is going on. If food is involved, I become the Gestapo and watch the preschooler mastermind try to figure out how he can stealthily grab a bit of the tempting array of sweets in front of him. With very few fine motor skills though, Ronan has no chance of sneaking away with any morsels of fun while I am around. If he does get at something, Steve comes to the rescue and a tantrum could erupt. This turns into a wrestling match that then turns into a quick exit and hurt feelings and bewildered siblings as we scurry quickly out. Ronan is missing out on some cool things right now.

Since I am more of an optimist than a pessimist, I do look at this holiday season as a new chance to see Ronan experience something from before. We know that Ronan has a good memory as he recognizes pictures, books and movies he’s seen in the past. This could be an ideal time to also set some boundaries too. I would be able to turn a Christmas tree climbing event into a behavior modification possibility. I would experiment with that gluten again that I know Ronan likes—we’re sure to be feasting on some yummy cookie and cake treats soon. I could turn a sensory overload experience into one of wonder and amazement for my almost 5-year old boy. If we tiptoe into a holiday function, cover Ronan’s ears with his favorite flap hat and have Ronan lead the way at his pace, maybe we will all see a boy accepting a world he’s not ready to enter just yet.

Maybe this year will be the year that Ronan enjoys unwrapping his presents AND playing with them. Maybe Ronan’s siblings won’t have a chance to heist his toys like they usually do since in the past, Ronan showed little interest in his gifts. Maybe this is the year Ronan knows that the ornaments we hang on the tree are not to be flicked at but stared at in awe. Maybe this is the year Ronan will be able to sit through Mass to hear a story of another little Boy and know the reason for the season goes beyond the hullabaloo that accompanies this fantastic holiday. Maybe, with all the lights shining so brightly for us, Ronan may open his eyes and see what is actually going on.

I’m hoping the magic of Christmas will have us being thankful to be home for the holidays to enjoy each other instead of hiding at home for fear of the what-if situations, like Ronan escaping from a relative’s house, getting into the toilet bowl to splash or gorging on foods with unknown ingredients. No one wants to be forced to be alone. Some days though, being alone with just us Jamesons is the closest and warmest Christmas feeling we all need. I’m glad we’ll be home for the holidays this year. It’s us, just us and our kids to be who we need to be—relaxed, free and thankful.