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Too Close
Originally titled, “The Year of the Fat Toad” this blog was going to be a roundup of stories, dustups, craziness, highlights, lowlights, misfits, and observations for 2010. Not this year, perhaps next.
Autism came a little too close, tonight. Too close to allow me the comfort of other thoughts.
My younger son has seizures. One minute he is gleefully galloping around the living room, the next minute he is down. I will not go into detail. I will share poop stories with anyone, but this is where autism shows an ugly side of itself that brings your child to the brink.
“Please, baby, please” I whisper, “stay with me.” The minutes tick by. “Please God,” I hear my voice screaming in my head, “Stop!”
Then it’s over. His convulsions end and mine start.
He acknowledges me with a fuzzy smile and falls asleep. Too alarmed to move I press my body into his and hold him close until the regular breathing finally convinces me to let go.
Tonight my son had a seizure in the bathtub. Sitting next to the tub it struck with the sudden fury of a seizure. His joy and glee ringing off the tile. His face in the water. “No, No, No!”
Pulling him up, up. Get him to the living room. On his side. Clear the airways. “Baby, stay with Daddy.” More towels, blankets, phone, diastat, mark the time. The convulsions stop. My heart beats.
My roundup this year is the love for my family and friends. Holding my little boy close I wish each and every one of you a Happy New Year!
