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When diagnosis of ASD first arrives, there is incredible confusion as to what it means. You question what you need to do to change it. You struggle with the realities of what it means to live with it for the rest of your life. You seek all kinds of interventions and even possible cures. As I will call myself a "senior parent", I can advise one thing... use humor though the journey you are about to live. Figure out the ways to reduce the stress of your family. Figure out ways to relieve your stress. This is much easier said than done but the day will come when you are a "senior parent" too and these sound words of wisdom will make all the sense in the world. You will realize you survived some of the most complex and possibly devastating times of your life, and you will see you still survived because of your humor (and hopefully your faith too).

So, what are some of the tricks I developed being an architect, I was always impacting the environment for my son. Taking locks off doors. Moving furniture around. I knew that if we gave him space, we reduced the risk of explosive events. If he wanted to be out in the cold or rain, I learned not to argue. I just bundled him up and sent him out. When we went off to the store when he was little, I learned he had to have his hand on the cart at all times or his hands went wandering and pocketed things. I learned not to argue about a hot dog for dinner everyday for many days in a row. If this is what he wanted, then by gosh, he could have it because the possible consequences of his frustration could be violent. And we learned not to microwave that hot dog more than 32 seconds or else! I also figured out that dinner was far more peaceful if we ate without our ASD son present and the truth was, he did not care. He was delighted to be given permission to finish his duct tape wallet.

Today, he KNOWS we love him and he loves us, and we all are about as balanced as we can be for a family that has survived probably over 400 intense outbursts in 15 years (he was adopted at 3), two hospitalizations, five big holes in the walls, multiple bloody noses from self-mutilation, and most recently, the Indiaina Jones escape through the second floor window. The funny thing is, the more"senior" we get, the less toll these events take on us (and yes, they continue to happen). It seems like we are at times caught in the eddy of a stream and just floating around waiting to be spewed out. If you think that means I was complacent and allowed myself to get stuck, I was anything but. In fact, I am the very parent you want with you on the same side of the table at meeting. How did I learn? I read and read and asked and probed and pushed and pleaded and argued and begged and hollered and cried in desperation. I always told the truth. I never hid anything. It is imperative for parents to speak about everything that happens. There is no shame, no humility, no embarrasssment...just truth.

What do I as a "senior parent" have to offer? Great words of wisdom, incredible strategies and tricks of the trade. What trade? The trade of being a wonderful mother, successful parent of an ASD child and a talented architect that serves this community through my work! You gotta know me to get my humor. If you met my son, you would see we gave him a great sense of humor too. Or maybe he gave it to us!

If you need my years of first hand experince, just holler. I am happy to talk.